June Hopper

This definitely interests me, and I'd like to know more about your protagonist, Naomi. Good prologue--and I like the picture you included! Characters. Maybe you ought to get out in ...

I'm glad that you decided to add to it, but I really wanna know more about this monster! :) I think you need to add a little more feeling to ...

It's not bad, a little info dumped, but you set it up like that. I personally perfer to be introduced the characters and let them reveal the world they live ...

Hello! I made your line smaller, alright? Try not to use really long lines because they freak out the front page and then Nate [s]wants to butcher us[/s] gives us ...

That was good, in all honesty. You could probably build up emotion a tad bit more, maybe lengthen it out to show that they can still "hear" the person though ...

Hey, you already know how I feel about Aurali. You need to work on structure a little, but overall I like the imagery. Like others said, you need to work ...